pedronegro

This morning I had a few different people at church ask me what was going on. I thought that I was fine, my standard Christian response to any problem. But what was the matter? Was it that obvious? The truth is, like so many other Christians, I go to a place where I claim that I want community and authenticity and when the situations arise for that to begin I shy away. Well it is either that or I don't want the community that I talk about. I would rather hide (obviously I didn't do that great of a job) than talk about what is going on in my life. Community is vaurnelable, messy and real. Not only do you have to talk about what is going on in your life but the lives of the others as well. This is where my problem lies to begin with. There is a friend of mine who I feel recently has placed his self worth into the opinion I have of him. This is putting me in a very awkward position. I could tell him my opinion which I think is usually a good thing but then I have the possibility of crushing him, or giving him false hope. I don't want to do either. The crown jewel of this thing is that I don't want this burden in the first place. I don't want to have to feel bad for telling him my opinion when he asks or lie to him. So here is some community so real messy stuff. I think that I would rather avoid community and take the easy road, the only problem is that I would have to never post this blog. This is in a way a community of mine and to avoid the hypocrisy that I don't want I need to stick to me guns. Have some conviction. Turns out that once more; I battle in others, the things I hate about myself.

I AM THE PROBLEM WITH THE CHURCH TODAY